What to Do in the First 30 Days After Filing for Divorce

The moment you file for divorce — or find out that your partner has — everything changes. Even if you saw it coming. Even if it was your decision. Even if you feel sure it’s the right move. There’s something about that official step that makes the whole thing feel real.

And then the questions come in fast:
What now?
Who do I call?
What should I be doing?
What am I forgetting?

The truth is, the first 30 days after filing can feel like emotional whiplash. You’re trying to hold it together while untangling your entire life. So let’s take a breath and break it down. This isn’t everything you’ll need to do during your divorce — but it’s a strong, clear starting point.

First, make sure you understand the timeline. After the petition is filed, the legal process begins. That may mean your ex needs to be formally served. There may be a deadline for response. You’ll likely hear terms like “temporary orders,” “disclosures,” or “hearings.” Don’t panic. You don’t need to become a legal expert. But you do need to stay informed. If you haven’t already, this is the time to speak with a lawyer — even if just for a consultation. Know what to expect in your state. Know what’s required of you.

Next, get your financial snapshot. One of the biggest parts of divorce is dividing assets and debts — and you can’t protect yourself if you don’t know what exists. Pull copies of bank statements, credit card accounts, tax returns, retirement balances, and loan documents. Take inventory of what’s shared and what’s separate. If you’re worried about financial manipulation, talk to an advisor or attorney right away. This isn’t about being paranoid — it’s about being prepared.

Then, protect your information and access. If you share email, bank, or utility accounts, begin separating them where possible. Change your passwords. Set up your own secure email if needed. If you’re in a high-conflict or emotionally abusive situation, make this a priority. It’s not overreacting. It’s safety.

This is also the time to start documenting. Not because you want drama, but because you want protection. If you’re communicating with your ex about custody, property, or support, keep things in writing. If something feels off, save screenshots or jot down dates. The clearer your records, the more grounded you’ll feel — especially if things get complicated down the road.

Emotionally, the first month can feel disorienting. You may have trouble sleeping, eating, focusing. One minute you’re fine, the next you’re crying over a grocery list. That’s not weakness — it’s grief. And just because it doesn’t look like a funeral doesn’t mean it isn’t one. So get support early. Reach out to a therapist. Join a support group. Talk to someone who gets it. You don’t have to wait until you’re falling apart to ask for help.

And if you have children, now is the time to create a sense of calm and stability for them — even if your own world feels chaotic. You don’t need to have all the answers. Just keep routines where you can. Let their teachers or caregivers know what’s going on, and give yourself grace. You are doing the best you can in a moment that requires more than most people realize.

Finally, remember this: there is no prize for doing this alone.

You are allowed to lean on people. You are allowed to pause. You are allowed to not have it all figured out.

At Divorce Support Network, we walk with people through the messiest, scariest, most confusing part of this process — the beginning. We offer legal and emotional resources, financial checklists, support groups, and connections to professionals who understand what this first month really feels like.

You’ve already taken the hardest step. Now let’s take the next one together.