What Grief Looks Like During Divorce (And How to Work Through It)

Grief is not just about death. It’s about loss — and divorce is full of it.

You’re not just letting go of a person. You’re letting go of a version of your life. A rhythm. A routine. A future you pictured. A family structure you thought would last. Even if you’re the one who wanted the divorce, there’s still grief. Even if you’re relieved, there’s still grief.

And the hardest part? Most people don’t see it that way.

You don’t get sympathy cards when your marriage ends. There’s no funeral. No meal train. No socially accepted period of mourning. You’re expected to hold it together. To “move on” quickly. To stay strong for the kids. But the truth is, grief during divorce can be one of the most disorienting, lonely, and invisible kinds of grief there is.

It shows up in unexpected ways.

You might find yourself crying over a song on the radio, snapping at your coworkers, or feeling numb when you thought you’d feel free. You might miss your ex one day and feel rage the next. You might grieve the loss of your in-laws, your couple-friend group, your holiday traditions. You might grieve things that were broken and things that were beautiful.

Grief during divorce doesn’t follow a straight line. It loops. It lingers. It sneaks up when you least expect it — at the grocery store, at a soccer game, in the middle of a perfectly fine day.

So what do you do with it?

First, acknowledge it. You’re allowed to grieve. You don’t need to justify it. You don’t need to compare your pain to anyone else’s. Whether your marriage lasted two years or twenty, whether it ended in crisis or quiet, the grief is real.

Then, give it somewhere to go. Talk to a therapist. Journal. Scream in your car. Walk until your legs ache. Grief wants movement. It doesn’t have to be fixed — it just needs to be witnessed. And you deserve to have it witnessed by people who won’t tell you to get over it.

If you’re raising children through this process, it can be tempting to bottle it all up so they don’t see your sadness. But kids don’t need perfect parents. They need honest ones. You can model grief without making them carry it. You can say things like, “This is a hard day, and that’s okay,” or “I’m feeling sad right now, but I’ll be okay.” That honesty teaches them resilience.

And while you’re at it — give yourself some grace. You’re going to forget things. You’re going to lose your temper. You’re going to wonder when it stops hurting. You’re going to feel like you’re moving backward sometimes. That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re human.

Grief is not a sign you made the wrong decision. It’s a sign that you’re processing change. And that takes time.

At Divorce Support Network, we don’t rush grief. We make space for it. We connect you with professionals who understand what this looks like — therapists, coaches, support groups — and with peers who can remind you: you’re not alone in this.

There’s life on the other side of this loss. There’s joy. There’s strength. There’s a version of you that isn’t just surviving, but actually thriving.

But for now, if you’re grieving — that’s okay. Let it be okay.

You’re allowed to feel this. And you’re allowed to move through it at your own pace.